A Generic Vampire Love Story
by Double-oh-7
Summary: It's like Twilight... only Bella is a surly brunette and Edward is a blonde crackhead. AU, guess the pairing.
1. The Boy and his Blonde Begin

A/N: I saw Twilight the other day, and as a mildly tenacious protester of the whole affair, I wrote this. It's a parody, not a bashing, but mostly based off the movie 'cause its been a while since I read the book. Grandma and various teachers are OC, for comedic purposes, and also because I'm too lazy to come up with CLAMP characters for them.

Warnings: ...shounenai? Vampires? Small hard candies that look like Big Ben?

* * *

On the strange, late eve of March 3rd, Kurogane Suwa laid moodily in his bedroom with the distinct feeling that someone was watching him. He'd checked the window several times, however, and found nothing there except scraggily spider webs and chipping paint. There was a pine tree or two in the view of the dusty glass. But no movement.

Kurogane made a loud, aggravated sound out of his nose as his grandmother's obnoxious rap music came leaking through the thin, old walls of the damn house he'd been forced to move into three weeks ago.

105 North Street. The devil's workhouse.

"Shirley!" he yelled, throwing a book from his bedside table against his door. "Keep it down! I have school tomorrow!"

Shirley Marcowitz, his grandmother on his father's side, was an estranged, 82-year old woman who insisted she was still 25.

"You're not my mother!" came the piercing voice from the other room.

Kurogane growled, hating his parents more and more with each second for not allowing him to join them on their ridiculous year-long journey to Paraguay, and instead shoving him on a dingy train that took him all the way from New York City to the middle of effing nowhere. Also known as Klocknel, South Carolina.

He had only turned seventeen the previous month, though he was abnormally tall and built for his age. His tan skin and dark, spiky hair combined with blood-red eyes and a cross disposition made him quite the intimidating man, which had always suited him just fine.

Shirley turned her music up, much to Kurogane's utter distain, and he stuffed his head angrily under a pillow. Again the feeling came that he was being watched, but he blatantly ignored it. It was the night before his first day as a junior at Klocknel High School, and the more sleep he got the less he'd have to make an effort to try and not kill himself from fatigue the next day.

*

_Never mind_, Kurogane thought the next morning as Shirley's red Porsche rocketed out of the school parking lot at an extremely illegal speed and he was left to gaze sourly at his new hellhole of a learning institution. _I'm going to have to make an effort to try and not kill myself anyway._

It was a crappy little thing, plaster walls cracking and bricks missing from the framework. Kurogane walked in his homeroom among irrelevant chatter and cackling laughter, feeling mildly bored. He sat down near the back and promptly laid his head down on his desk.

"Hi," said a voice, right beside his ear.

Kurogane felt his eye twitch in pure annoyance, but he looked up anyway. A short girl with sparkling eyes and long, black hair stood eagerly next to him, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Yes?" he said, waiting for whatever the hell she had to tell him that was apparently so important it had to be revealed right away.

"I'm Tomoyo," she said, sticking out her hand. "You must be the new kid."

Kurogane grimaced and reluctantly gave her a handshake as briefly as possible. "…Kurogane," he supplied feebly.

"Cool," Tomoyo said happily. "Over there is Mokona," she added, pointing to a small white-haired girl who was peering curiously at them from the corner.

"Mokona is glad to meet you!" she called, waving cheerily.

Kurogane waved back uncertainly. "Why… is she talking in third person?" he asked.

Tomoyo shrugged. "No one knows," she said. Then she turned back to Kurogane. "Have you gone to the main office yet?"

"Uh," said Kurogane, unaware he had to. "No."

Her eyes lit up. "Perfect! We'll take you there!" She motioned hurriedly to Mokona, who got up from her desk, tripping in the process, and scrambled to Tomoyo's side.

Kurogane sighed, knowing if he went with them they'd never leave him alone. But, he supposed, it was better having a guide to the school rather than wandering around clueless until he got fed up and punched out a wall or five.

The main office was a dismal place, much like the rest of the damn school, and the woman sitting behind the desk there looked like a cross-breed between a beaver and a large frog. It smelled vaguely of chlorine, which did nothing to help Kurogane's mounting headache.

"Mrs. Bradford?" Tomoyo said tentatively.

Beaver/frog-lady glared at them through beady eyes. "What?" she croaked.

_Mrs.? _Kurogane thought. _Who the effing crap would marry her?_

"This is the new kid," said Tomoyo, gesturing to Kurogane. "He hasn't reported to you yet."

The creature was silent, chewing on something unseen by the rest of them—probably the carcass of other students, Kurogane mused—and then finally sighed heavily.

"Jo," she barked into the intercom.

"Yeah?" came a deep, manly voice from the other end.

"New kid."

"…I'll get back to you on that," the intercom crackled.

Beaver-frog peered up at them again. "Come back later," she snarled, and they were all too happy to oblige as they rushed quickly out the door.

*

Lunch wasn't much better. As Kurogane had expected, the food was total crap and the horrid fluorescent lighting in the cafeteria had increased his migraine tenfold.

"You okay?" Tomoyo asked, noticing the boy had his head placed in both his hands. "You've been acting like you want to throw up ever since homeroom."

Kurogane looked up and pushed away his lunch tray in disgust. "I kind of do," he said.

"You're not a very social person, are you?" Tomoyo observed, taking a bite of her sandwich as Mokona hummed and picked at her salad happily.

Kurogane frowned.

She giggled slightly. "Okay, obviously not. How do you like Klocknel High so far, then?"

He rolled his eyes. "I've seen ghettos nicer than this," he replied.

"You'll learn to like it," Tomoyo said, patting him on the back reassuringly.

"Mokona loves it here!" Mokona chirped.

"You would," Kurogane muttered, seconds before there was a loud banging noise from behind them.

They spun around. The double doors to the cafeteria had flown open, letting a cold breeze from outside sweep across the room. Standing in the opening was a tall, pale-skinned boy with glittering blue eyes and white-blond, flyaway hair. He surveyed the place slyly for a few moments before taking a composed and elegant step into the array of gawking students.

The cafeteria exploded. Girls giggled and shrieked, guys hollered their greetings; some stood on tables and clapped while others rushed up to talk urgently with the kid. All the while he walked calmly through the room, waving jovially to his crowd of avid fans and smiling gauzily.

"The hell?" Kurogane spat, glancing around at the spastic mob (including Mokona, who had just fallen out of her chair trying to get a good look at the newcomer).

Tomoyo grinned. "Fai D. Flowright just arrived," she laughed.

"What the crap? Who comes to school in the middle of lunch?" Kurogane asked angrily, already irritated with this guy's bizarre antics.

"Fai D. Flowright," Tomoyo said.

The boy was nearing them now, talking softly with a frantic Indian girl. He placed his hand on her shoulder, and she nodded with defeat before scurrying away. Then he spotted Tomoyo, and dashed over to their table cheerily.

"Tomoyo!" he said. "How have you been?"

"Pretty good," she answered, as though they were old friends. (And for all Kurogane knew, they probably were. This guy seemed like the type to, at some point in his life, have been in a mental rehabilitation center, with Tomoyo as his counselor.) "It's nice to have you back."

"Ah, yes." Fai nodded vehemently. "London was fascinating though! Quite the city. Wish I could have stayed there for more than two weeks." He then turned his attention to an extremely bouncy Mokona. "Hello Mokona!" The two engaged in some sort of elaborate handshake, both laughing heartily when it was finished.

"Mokona is glad Fai is back!"

"Thanks, Mokona!" Fai snapped his fingers together. "That's right; I got you something while I was there!" He dug into one of the pockets on his long white trench coat and pulled out a miniature model of Big Ben, which on closer inspection turned out to be a hard candy of some kind.

Mokona squealed and hugged Fai.

"And for the lovely Tomoyo--" He produced a little gold pin. "Here you are."

"Thank you!" Tomoyo said happily.

"It was nothing," replied Fai. His eyes suddenly flicked over to Kurogane, and he raised his eyebrows in mild surprise. "Why hello," he said.

"Hn," grunted Kurogane.

"This is Kurogane," Tomoyo introduced politely. "He transferred here today."

"Pleasure to meet you," said Fai, smirking deviously. "I'm Fai D. Flowright."

"'Kay," Kurogane replied curtly, with absolutely no interest whatsoever.

This only widened Fai's grin. "Well, I have to be off to class. I've got some make-up work to do, you know!"

"Of course," said Tomoyo.

"Bye!" said Mokona.

Fai waved, then looked Kurogane straight in the face and winked before daintily spinning on his heels and traipsing away.

Kurogane felt anger flare up inside of him. "Did he just _wink_ at me?" he asked incredulously.

Tomoyo snorted lightly and went back to her sandwich while Mokona gnawed obnoxiously at her British candy. Kurogane, mumbling bitterly, resolved to simply kill the idiot next time he saw him.

*

He forgot completely about Fai until last period, when Biology came.

"Hi, I'm Kurogane Suwa," he told the science teacher in a bored fashion, feeling the deadweight of his tiring day piling on top of his shoulders.

"Oh, hello," replied the teacher. "I'm Mr. Piko. Your seat is the empty one there in row three."

Kurogane glanced over. There was his seat. And filling the one directly next to it was a sight that made him want to hurl large cinderblocks at windows.

Fai D. Flowright gestured at Kurogane ecstatically, his blonde hair floating everywhere as he pointed to the seat beside him.

"Seriously?" said Kurogane, turning back to the teacher.

"Class is about to begin; please sit down," said Mr. Piko, ignoring the student's expression of stark horror.

Kurogane made his way over to the seat as slowly as physically possible, finally taking his place on the stool as though it was about to explode.

"Hello~!" said Fai in a sing-song tone, leaning on his hand lazily. "Kurogane, was it?"

Kurogane grumbled.

"A serious name to match a serious man!" Fai giggled. "I think you need something far less intense, like Kuro-nii… or Kuro-puu!"

"Excuse me?" said Kurogane sharply. Like hell he was going to let this crackhead get away with calling him outlandish nicknames.

"So, tell me what phase you think this is!" Fai pushed a microscope in Kurogane's direction, smiling blindly.

Kurogane peered into the lens, disgruntled. "Prophase," he growled.

"I thought it was newphase!" Fai proclaimed, shoving his head beneath Kurogane's without warning and examining the microscope himself.

"That doesn't exist," Kurogane said irritably, mentally cursing his life.

"Really?" gasped Fai, going back over his notes flippantly. "Oh my, you're right! What would I do without you, Kuro-puu?"

"IT'S KUROGANE," he yelled, officially fed up after no less than a minute.

Boy, Kuro-puff, you're a real grump, you know that?"

"Shut up."

Fai laughed musically. "So where did you move here from?"

"Like I'd tell you," Kurogane muttered, moving on to the next cell slide.

"Kuro-grouch…"

"Stop calling me those damn names!"

"I will if you'll tell me where you're from."

"No, you won't."

"Hyuu~, Kuro-poof reads me like a book!" Fai cheered.

"Good for me," said Kurogane. "This is anaphase by the way."

"Kuro-nii's so smart!" said the blonde, scribbling down the answer.

"New York," Kurogane answered after a second or two.

Fai blinked. "Sorry?"

"I'm from New York City." Kurogane glared at his lab partner. "Don't ask any more questions."

There was a bit of sustained silence. Then Fai's face broke out into a huge grin. "The Big Apple, huh? That's cool. Yeah, I was there once. I went to the Statue of Liberty, and climbed all the way to the very top! Have you ever been the Statue of Liberty?"

"Yes."

"It's really amazing! Too bad they had to close it after 9/11, right? Or are they opening it again? I heard somewhere that they were opening it again. Did you hear that?"

"No."

"Well, you can never be too sure. You know, there was a similar situation in 1791 with Thomas Jefferson…" He blabbered on in the background as Kurogane pinched the bridge of his nose exasperatingly.

It looked like the beginning of a horrible, insane, one-sided, crack-filled friendship.


	2. The Crazy Adventures

A/N: Guess who's back with an all-new rap. Huzzah. Chapter 2 is just as crackish, my friends. And, YES, Souma parallels Jacob. *is shot* Sorry but her looks were perfect for it and she's close to Kurogane and everything... Besides, who the hell else does he get paired with?? Could you see cute lil Tomoyo as a savage werewolf??? I think not. Gomen to the haterz.

And Pilkerson is based off my own dear VP. (I'm in her office a lot so I don't like her very much.)

Warnings: Kurogane's mouth. (And mind.) YAOI FOR ALL!

* * *

**Chapter 2: The Crazy Adventures of a Boy and his Blonde.**

The next day came far too hastily in Kurogane's opinion. Several things registered in his mind as he climbed reluctantly into a smelly, overcrowded school bus at 7:03 in the morning: first, he needed a fucking car; seconds, morons being obnoxious on the bus were somehow worse than morons being obnoxious around school; and, third, Shirley was even more of a maniac than he remembered, as she had been out all of the night before partying, and couldn't drive him that morning due to a hangover the size of a small planet.

It had been about four years since he'd been down to visit his grandmother, in fact, and within that time his immediate family had grown so distant from her Kurogane almost forgot she even lived. Now, however, not only was he acutely aware of her existence, he was also mildly annoyed with it. The woman was frickin' zany.

Speaking of frickin' zany, Fai popped into Kurogane's mind for a brief and fleeting second before he vehemently shook the blond, smirking, idiotic thought from his head a second later. He would have had a lot more trouble with this had it not been for the voice behind him that cut soundly across the rest of the screaming insanity.

"Kurogane? Kurogane Suwa?"

He turned around to the seat behind him, facing a girl about his age with dark skin and silky black hair that swept elegantly down to her shoulders.

"Uh," he said. "Yeah…"

"It's me," she replied, putting a hand to her chest lightly. "Souma; from Hickory Day School. Remember?"

Surprise flooded through him with a bang. "Holy shit," he said, recalling blurred memories of two five-year-olds playing with wooden blocks together happily on a vividly-coloured carpet surrounded by others of their kind. "Yeah, wow, hey. It's been a while."

Souma laughed amusedly. "It certainly has. You've grown up quite a bit."

"You too," Kurogane replied, politely resisting the urge to blurt out "no crap, it's been like a decade."

"Do you have second period gym?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Me too. I actually saw you yesterday but I wasn't quite sure it was you. When I noticed the bus picked you up close to Shirley's house I knew for sure." She smiled gently, and Kurogane observed with dull interest that she had gotten to be quite pretty over the years. "How's she doing?"

"Shirley?" said Kurogane, running a hand through his hair and sighing. "Still a flipping nutcase. I don't know how she even does her grocery shopping."

Souma displayed her teeth widely, the brilliant ivory contrasting nicely with her tanned skin. "I'm glad. I really can't imagine her any other way."

The bus ride went relatively faster after that, and though Kurogane still wanted to personally murder each and every one of the other passengers after it was done, the conversation with his childhood friend was a least a slight relief.

"See you second period," Souma said as they entered the school, before she disappeared into the crowd of students bustling through the hallway.

Kurogane waved after her shortly. He went the opposite way, down the south wing to his locker.

Tomoyo and Mokona were standing against it when he got there, huddled over something obstructed from his view and giggling.

"Cut it out," he said, glaring as he neared them. "It's too early for that."

"Oh, hi, Kurogane," said Tomoyo, her eyes sparkling mischievously. She and Mokona chuckled again as they moved aside to let Kurogane through.

He glanced over at them accusingly, swiftly turning the dial to his combination. "What?" he said, opening the locker door.

Slowly Tomoyo held out her hand, grasping a small sheet of pink paper.

Kurogane pulled it from her, annoyed, and looked down.

Written with purple ink, in impossibly curly handwriting, was the message:

Your eyes are red,  
My eyes are blue.  
Fishies are cute,  
And so are you!  
--F.F.

It was decorated with little hearts, which not only contributed to its utter ludicrousness but increased Kurogane's rage as well.

"Fucking…" he muttered, crumpling the atrocity up and throwing it to the floor of his locker. He could feel a slow blush creeping steadily up his cheeks, but he shook it off hastily and chalked it up to anger. Tomoyo and Mokona immersed into a fit of sniggering, then tried to pretend it was coughing when they saw Kurogane's glowering expression.

He slammed the locker shut with astonishing force, and, without a word, stomped down the hallway to homeroom, silently fuming.

"Looks like we have a budding romance on our hands, Mokona my friend," said Tomoyo, sighing wistfully as they watched people cower and scurry away in Kurogane's furious wake.

"Mokona likes love stories!" Mokona cheered, clapping her hands together cutely.

"Me too, Mokona. Me too."

*

Kurogane yawned, casually making his way down to the gymnasium as he ignored the rushing din around him quite nicely. His mind was a million miles away, thinking about his old school in New York and the quiet but undisturbed life he had led there. Now he had been thrown into a cataclysm of whirling events, in a town that was falling apart at its unsecured hinges and was highly prone to harboring people of the crazy variety. It seemed to him that he was the most normal person he associated with now; that being said, it wouldn't have surprised him if this school was actually a youth mental hospital in disguise.

_I wonder who the hell runs this place,_ he contemplated bitterly. _Probably a bunch of ancient, deluded whack-jobs with nothing better to do than torture children all day._

Well, he wasn't that far off.

And at the very moment, the co-leader of those whack-jobs was charging down the hallway towards Kurogane with murder on her mind. The mob of traveling students parted like the Red Sea as she went through them, which would have been highly impressive if not for the kids' terrified faces and the fact that she herself was a nasty sight to behold.

Kurogane was completely oblivious to his impending doom until she was no less than six feet from him, raging like a bull whose seen red and staring directly at him.

"Uh," said Kurogane, about to move out of the way when the abomination flew at him, planting herself in his immediate path.

The Vice-Principal stood before him, a stocky, gorilla-like woman, with a face like a squashed tomato and the disposition of a sumo wrestler. Her graying hair was all but shaved off, sticking out in odd tufts all over the place. Kurogane was a deer in headlights, frozen with shock but mostly confusion. She leered up at him from what little height she had, and people around them gaped in anticipation. He waited.

"Kurogane Suwa," she croaked.

"Yeah…" he said carefully.

"You never came back to the main office yesterday!" she roared.

"Oh…" he said, relaxing a little. "Yeah, sorry, I just—"

"YOU MUST FOLLOW ALL SCHOOL CONDUCT!" the gorilla screeched, tossing her head back maniacally and causing Kurogane to have something much akin to a heart attack.

"Yeah, but—" he started.

"YOUR ACTIONS ARE PUNISHABLE BY TWO WEEKS OF DETENTION, MR. ESSION! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAPERWORK I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO NOW?"

"Hang on, I—"

"DON'T EVEN TRY TO BARGAIN WITH ME! YOU MIGHT BE NEW HERE BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE EXEMPT FROM THE RULES!"

"But, wait—"

"AND NOW YOU COME WITH ME!" she concluded, turning on her heels to lead Kurogane away.

"Hold on!" said an airy voice behind them.

They spun around, and the crowd gasped.

Fai D. Flowright, in all of his blonde glory, walked lightly towards them with a smirk plastered serenely on his face, clutching an armful of books.

"Shit," said Kurogane under his breath.

"Please, Mrs. Pilkerson," Fai continued sweetly, approaching the two. "It's not Kuro-muu's fault he didn't come to see you yesterday. We were introduced during lunchtime, and obviously he was so taken by my stunning good looks that he was too distracted to think of anything else."

Kurogane opened his mouth furiously, head boiling, but Fai pulled on the back of his t-shirt abruptly, making the taller boy gag and stop short.

Pilkerson widened her eyes at Fai's sudden appearance, and there was a moment or two when all you could hear was Kurogane's protesting cough.

Then she laughed, which sent the onlookers into a flurry.

"Oh, Mr. Flowright! I didn't know _you_ were friends with Mr. Suwa," she trilled, batting her eyelashes in a way that seemed to make her even _more_ unattractive, if that was even possible.

Fai smiled winningly. "That's quite alright, Mrs. Pilkerson. But you _must_ excuse Kuro-puu here. He's only just arrived, after all."

Pilkerson cleared her throat into her hand. "Yes, of course," she agreed, then turned back to Kurogane, who had gotten over his fit and was now giving a steady glare to the blissfully ignorant Fai. "Mr. Suwa, you're free to go. Please let me take care of all the arrangements."

Kurogane released his glower for a minute to blink stupidly at her. "What?" he asked, receiving another tug on the back of his shirt. "Gah—alright! Fine… Thanks, Mrs. Pilker…sy..."

"No problem at all," said Pilkerson thinly, overlooking the mispronunciation with a prim look. "Have a nice day, boys." Then she wheeled around, making the crowd recoil. "Go to class!" she snarled, her first face of two making its comeback. They scattered, mice in the territory of a hungry lion.

Kurogane turned slowly to face Fai.

"You're welcome~!" the blonde sang.

"What the _fuck_ was that?" Kurogane snapped, feeling his anger come rushing back at the sight of the idiot's sunny cheerfulness.

Fai didn't flinch. "I was helping you, Kuro-grouch. You should be grateful! Without me you'd be in the horrible clutches of Vice-Principal Pilker-beast!" He imitated a ghastly monster, scrunching up his face harshly while somehow retaining his innocent features.

"_That_ was helping me?!" yelled Kurogane. "You told her I was _distracted by your looks!_ What the _hell_ kind of excuse is that?! And I told you yesterday to quit it with the names."

Fai ignored this. "Well, she let you off, didn't she?" he said.

Kurogane didn't answer, instead choosing to roll his eyes and frown.

"Besides," Fai continued, cocking his head slyly. "It's pretty much true anyway."

"IT IS NOT!" Kurogane exclaimed fiercely, bounding after the giggling Fai in what would be their first of many pointless chases.

The bell rang then, and Kurogane swore, skidding to a halt.

"Shit, now I'm late!" he called to Fai. "Thanks a lot, you ass."

"Hyuu~!" said Fai, not in the least bit phased by the time or Kurogane's insult. "It's okay, Kuro-puff, you're with me!"

Kurogane didn't have much time to wonder what Fai meant by this, because the next thing he knew he was being pulled—with surprising force, he noticed—along the corridor to a set of windowed double-doors.

"Wait…" said Kurogane, a thought dawning on him. "No, don't tell me you also have second period—"

"Gym!" cheered Fai, bursting through the doors much like he had entered the cafeteria the day before.

Kurogane groaned, reclaiming his wrist from the blonde's iron grip and taking in his surroundings. People were starting to filter in from the locker rooms, chatting amicably and goofing around.

"You're late!" barked the chubby, balding teacher from where he leaned against the bleachers. Then he saw Fai. "Oh, excuse me Mr. Flowright. Take as long as you like changing."

"Thanks!" said Fai, skipping away.

The teacher's eyes flicked to Kurogane.

"I'm with him," he said quickly, suddenly understanding what Fai had told him in response to the tardiness comment.

The teacher looked distrustful but waved him on anyway.

On his way to the lockers, Kurogane spotted Souma from across the room, giving her a brief wave. She smiled and waved back, talking amongst a group of friends.

"Kuro-chu has a girlfriend?" asked Fai, almost surprisedly.

Kurogane growled, pushing past him. "No, I just know her from a long time ago."

Fai chuckled.

"What?" snapped Kurogane.

"Hyuu~, Kuro-woof growls just like a doggy!" he laughed, throwing his arms into the air.

"SHUT THE HELL UP! I DO NOT!"

*

Fai was placed in a different group for the remainder of the period, which caused him to pout and Kurogane to thank the Almighty Heavens for their mercy. Souma was in Kurogane's section too, and as he talked with her in line for the basketball hoop he noticed Fai frowning at them from the other side of the gym. Kurogane ignored this, getting ready for his turn to come up right after Souma's.

She shot the ball with relative ease, swishing it through the basket perfectly. Someone threw a ball into Kurogane's hands and he positioned himself to shoot. But he never got the chance, because a second later he felt a hard smack to the back of his head and the basketball flew out of his grasp.

"Frick," he muttered, rubbing where he'd been attacked and spinning around to watch a white volleyball roll away. His gaze flashed quickly around the room once until they landed on Fai, grinning broadly and waving.

"Sorry, Kuro-puppy!" he called.

Kurogane grumbled, feeling that Fai was not really sorry at all and the volleyball had been a completely purposeful plan to get his attention.

"Shit," he said, moving out of line to the bleachers and turning away from Fai. "I hate that guy," he muttered to Souma.

"Seems he likes you," she laughed. "Puppy."

"He keeps popping up," Kurogane said, ignoring her jab. "I'm fed up with the guy, and I've only been here two days."

Souma looked over to where Fai was standing, a clouded expression on her refined face. "Yeah, he's a different kind of man…"

"You think?" said Kurogane dryly, assuming his friend was referring the blonde's apparent mental instability until he caught her tone. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"Ah," she said, her eyes widening as they went back to Kurogane. "Nothing, I was just talking about… his family, that's all." She gazed into the corner.

"His family?" inquired Kurogane, brows furrowed.

"You know, how they're adopted and everything." She cleared her throat. "And how they're all paired up with each other…"

"Paired up?" said Kurogane, now seriously confused.

Souma pointed over to the volleyball section, where Fai was conversing airily with a silver-haired boy who was adjusting his glasses. Next to them was another boy with chocolate hair and slightly darker skin, hovering over the silver-haired kid protectively while still avidly participating in the game.

"See the guy with silver hair, and the brunette?" said Souma. Kurogane nodded. "That's Yukito and Touya, Fai's adoptive brothers. They're… special friends…"

"Like _special_ friends?"

"Extremely special."

"But they're brothers!" Kurogane exclaimed, reeling in disgust.

"Yes, well, technically they're not. They just live together, and they don't even have the same last name." She shook her head. "But it's still a little weird. And there are two more of them as well; Syaoran and Sakura, but they're sophomores."

"And they're special friends too?"

"Yeah…"

"At least they're straight…" Kurogane muttered, which made Souma laugh.

"Ah, those two are so cute!" she exclaimed. "You should see them fumble around each other, blushing all the time… Ask Tomoyo, she's got a slight obsessive problem with Sakura."

"You know Tomoyo?" Kurogane asked, now suspicious that everyone in the entire town had creepy-ass connections with each other (some more creepy than others).

"Yeah, we go way back," said Souma. "Plus I have first period with her… We were talking about you this morning."

"I'm sure it was lovely." Kurogane rolled his eyes when a though occurred to him. "Wait, if everyone in their disturbing little family is paired up… Does that mean… Fai…"

Souma got his drift and shook her head. "Nah, there's only five of them. Fai's by himself, though I'm sure more than half the girls here would be thrilled to date him." Her mouth then slid into an underhanded smirk. "Why the interest?"

Kurogane got _her _drift and made a strangled noise. "N-nothing!" he spluttered, unaware that this response made no sense whatsoever and concentrating instead on diminishing the heat in his cheeks.

"You two on the bleachers; get your asses moving!" the teacher bellowed across the room.

Souma stood up and slipped past Kurogane, the grin still lingering. He glared at her back, seething from her earlier comment, and went after.

Two minutes later, another volleyball came crashing down on him, only to be followed by more of Fai's cheery apologies, and Kurogane's final decision that at some point later in the day, he would most certainly have to wring the blonde's neck, screwed up family or not.


	3. A Strange Encounter

Um... I was eaten. By ravenous wolves. Yeah.

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Boy and his Blonde have a Strange Encounter**

"Ducks are nice."

"Yeah, I like ducks."

That was the first thing Kurogane heard when he walked into homeroom that grey and dreary morning. It had been a week since he first came to Klocknel High, and with every day he felt increasingly hopeless that his life would ever return to normal.

"Um?" he said, cocking an eyebrow at Tomoyo and Mokona, two of the many reasons for his upcoming mental breakdown.

They gazed back at him quite calmly, as though they had conversations about ducks all the time. Which they probably did.

"Good morning, Kurogane!" Tomoyo chirped, smile ever present.

"Morning!" Mokona echoed. "Mokona thinks Kurogane looks tired, and sad."

"And Kurogane thinks Mokona is a nut job…" Kurogane muttered as he took his seat.

"What?" said Mokona.

"I said uh, yeah, I feel like… I've been robbed…"

Mokona's eyes got teary with compassion. "Robbed… of your soul?" she whispered, hands clenched together.

Kurogane stared. "Yes," he said, after a second. "Yes, of my soul. Exactly."

The teacher rapped lightly on his desk with a ruler, causing the morning din to muffle out into occasional whispers.

"Today," he began, nose twitching strangely, "there will be an assembly for all juniors, during second period. It will address the issue of…"

Kent's mind floated away as his teacher droned on. He stared out the window, watching rain splash the glass dismally. The weather was always grey in Klocknel, it seemed. Depressingly enough, the constant bleakness set off the tone for Kent's life now, or his outlook on it anyway.

_Brriiiiinggg_, the bell rung annoyingly. Everyone clambered out of the classroom and into the hall, where it was survival of the fittest and perfectly normal students became savages. With his towering height, Kurogane had no issue skating through the sea of teenagers. This could be a problem, however, when others wanted to get by.

"Oh!" cried a younger girl with reddish-brown hair, as she collided into Kurogane headfirst, and stumbled back slightly.

"Sorry," Kurogane said, as she blinked at him dizzily.

"It's okay," she replied, starting to smile at him as she regained her composure. Then it was as though she saw him clearly, and her emerald eyes widened. "You're…"

"Sakura!" somebody called, and a boy about her age came rushing up, looking worried to death. "There you are. Don't rush off again, okay? You know what happened last time."

She nodded at him, still wondrously gazing at Kurogane. The boy led her off, and Kurogane was left in mild confusion.

*

The gym was quiet when Kurogane entered, a first in his time at Klocknel High. He glanced around, searching for signs of life in the vast empty room, but there was only an eerie silence.

"Soma!" he said, spotting his only sane friend coming out of the girl's locker room.

She waved. "You're not at the assembly yet? I was just getting my gym clothes that I'd forgotten."

"Assembly?" he said. His mind flashed back to homeroom. "Oh, is that what he was blabbering about? Damn, that guy can talk…"

"Want to walk with me?" she asked.

He nodded, and they set off towards the auditorium, where a flood of kids was oozing its way through the doors. They found seats somewhere in the back; Kurogane sat down and noticed the seat cushions were filled with what felt strangely like cemented pudding.

"GOOD MORNING LOVELY STUDENTS," roared the gorilla-woman Vice-Principal from the front, needing no microphone. Everyone shut up instantly. "AS I'M SURE YOU'RE ALL AWARE, JUNIOR PROM IS STEADILY APPROACHING."

"This is about fucking _prom_?" Kurogane whispered, to no one in particular.

"THERE ARE SEVERAL THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DISCUSSED BEFORE WE CAN MAKE ANY FINALIZED PLANS," she continued, looking utterly ridiculous that day in a green floral pantsuit. "SO HERE TO MAKE ALL ANNOUNCEMENTS REGARDING THIS ISSUE IS YOUR STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT."

"Oh, hell no," Kurogane muttered, as a very familiar head of blonde hair floated onstage.

"FAI D. FLOWRIGHT!"

The auditorium erupted into outrageous cheering.

"Are you kidding me?!" Kurogane yelled, refusing to participate in the applause. "Who would vote for him?"

"The entire junior population, actually," Soma explained. "It was unanimous."

"Of course it was," said Kurogane.

Fai, beaming and waving like Miss America, stepped in front of the microphone, which the Vice-Principal had previously ignored. "Thank you, Mrs. Pilkerson," he cooed, and she blushed. He turned to the crowd. "Good morning!"

Several whooping noises came in response, along with a girly shriek of, "WE LOVE YOU FAI!"

"Thank you," Fai replied. "I love you all as well. And because I love you all so much, I've decided that this year, I'm going to personally handle the budget for our junior prom. Which means we'll be having it at the Klocknel Inn!"

More screaming.

"Why is that exciting?" Kurogane asked.

"It's the nicest place in town. In fact, it's the _only _nice place in town." Soma glanced at him. "You don't seem too happy about any of this."

He scowled. "I hate dances. Prom especially. The fact that it's being run by this doof doesn't make it any better."

She laughed. "Whatever you say."

About half and hour later the assembly came to a conclusion, after Fai discussed many important things such as dress code, time of event, and the type of punch that would be served (they finally chose tropical-pineapple-mango after a good fifteen minutes or so).

"Why the _hell _does everyone else think that idiot is some kind of saint?" Kurogane fumed as he and Soma jostled past the hundred others squeezing out of the auditorium. "Just because he's all smiles and rainbows and sunshine and bunnies and whatever else happens to be bouncing around in that airy skull of his."

"For someone you claim to hate," Soma interjected, "you sure talk about Fai an awful lot."

"What?" he growled.

_Brriiiiinggg,_ went the bell.

"Third period," said Soma, and swiftly disappeared into the crowd. "See you later!"

Kurogane glared at the spot where she'd vanished, thinking that just maybe she should keep her opinions to herself, and also he hadn't done his math homework…

*

As Kurogane stepped into the Biology room, he expected a grand show of flailing arms and giggles, but there was only the dull buzz of the overhead projector. Fai was nowhere in sight.

"What, it takes all day to plan a freaking prom?" Kurogane muttered.

"Yes it does," said his teacher from behind him creepily. "Sit down."

The end of the school day came, and Kurogane was feeling great. Not only did he manage to avoid direct contact with Fai all day, but it was Friday, which meant he got some peace and quiet for at least the next forty-eight glorious hours.

This, however, wasn't going to happen.

The truck came speeding out of nowhere, steered by some asshole senior talking on his cell phone with his new girlfriend, who was only using him to get to his best friend. Kurogane, earphones blasting, noticed nothing until the vehicle was careening towards him, and then there was a great crashing sound, and suddenly Fai was gripping his arm. The van, now with a huge dent in the side, had flown across the road and into some bushes. Kurogane very slowly looked at it, and then at Fai.

"Did you just _punch _a truck?"


	4. Their Relationship

Suuuuuuup. S'been a while. To those who reviewed, you are beautiful people. Many radishes to you! Please enjoy this next chapter thoroughly. (YESCLOWREEDISCARLISLE.)

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Boy and His Blonde Discuss Their Relationship**

Kurogane surveyed his hospital room with exasperation. Grey, like everything else in the damn town. His grandmother, who took her sweet time coming to make sure he was okay, had promptly passed out in a nearby chair upon arrival. The doctor had been there for a few seconds to smile mysteriously when he learned Kurogane's name, and then left.

Ten minutes of lovely silence passed before Dr. Reed, as he introduced himself, returned. His peculiar smirk was still there, as was his long, black hair and circular glasses. He hummed to himself quietly as he entered the room.

"Unfortunate about your head injury there, Kurogane," he said amusedly.

"Yeah…" said Kurogane, eyeing the man suspiciously.

"And how did it happen? Trip over something?" Dr. Reed chuckled. "Kids these days."

"Actually, there was this car--"

"Yes, that's interesting." The doctor flipped through his chart and continued smiling. "You know, I think you might go to school with my children."

"Oh, maybe," said Kurogane hurriedly. "But, Dr. Reed, I didn't hurt my head by tripping--"

"You might even be in the same grade!" exclaimed Dr. Reed, ignoring Kurogane entirely. "Know anyone by the name of Fai?"

All at once Kurogane forgot about his plight to explain the situation. "He… he's your…"

Dr. Reed nodded joyously. "My son, yes. I thought you might know each other!"

Kurogane could only stare in horror.

"Well, anyway," said Dr. Reed. "We've checked you out and you're fine, so you're free to go!" He gave one last grin and exited.

Not even bothering to check if his grandmother was still alive, Kurogane ambled out, and down the hallway. He had a sneaking suspicion that Fai had just brought him to the hospital to meet his father, and that Dr. Reed had known who he was all along. If this was the case, it meant their crazy-ass family was even more shady than he'd thought. It also meant Fai talked about him at home, which was thoroughly creepy--though not surprising.

When he rounded the corner, he saw Dr. Reed, Fai, and his weirdly tan "brother" from gym class having a not-so-quiet gathering a few yards away.

"DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO FIND OUT ABOUT US, DUMBASS?" the brother was yelling, paying no attention to Dr. Reed's attempts to calm him.

"I did what anyone would've done," protested Fai.

"NO, YOU DID WHAT A DUMBASS WOULD'VE DONE."

Kurogane made like a ninja and attempted a silent escape, but as usual Fai sniffed him out.

"Kuro-moof!" he exclaimed, running over and leaving his brother to fume violently.

"Hey…" said Kurogane, eye twitching.

"Are you okay?" Fai asked, genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine. I was never not fine," said Kurogane. "In fact, I probably could have just gone home after the car _didn't_ hit me. By the way, what the hell?"

"What?" said Fai innocently. "I was standing right next to you."

Kurogane snorted. "Okay, one, no you weren't. And two, that truck now has a giant dent in the side of it. So, are you radioactive or what?"

"WHAT'S THAT, DAD?" Fai yelled to Dr. Reed, who clearly hadn't said anything and looked confused. "OKAY, BE RIGHT THERE. Well, Kuro-puu, I have to go. See you Monday!" He flounced off, hair bouncing.

At that moment, Kurogane's grandmother came tottering up beside him.

"Isn't he a hot piece of ass?" she said, staring appreciatively at Fai's backside.

"Dear God…" muttered Kurogane.

*

Monday was particularly hellish: Soma wasn't in school, and they were going a field trip, which normally would have been okay if the destination wasn't a greenhouse, and the educational connection wasn't to _compost_.

"Fuck compost," Kurogane grumbled, prodding a small pea plant.

"Kuro-woof…" the plant whispered back. Kurogane jumped back several inches, slamming into Fai, who was the actual source of the murmur.

"Jesus Christ!" said Kurogane furiously. "Don't do that."

Fai giggled. "Sorry Kuro-puppy."

"What do you want?"

"Well." Fai sighed. "The thing is, I wanted to apologize. I'm sorry if I was too amazing for you to understand, but…" He sniffed a little. "Oh, Kuro-moo, I just can't be friends with you anymore!"

"When were we friends?" said Kurogane.

"Don't make this anymore painful than it already is!" sobbed Fai. "Our friendship can never be!"

"I don't want to be friends with you."

"I know, it's difficult. But we're just going to have to move on with our lives!"

"Seriously?"

"Goodbye… FOREVER." Fai ran away dramatically, causing every single person in the greenhouse to look over in his general direction. Kurogane quickly tried to hide himself behind a leafy fern, but it was too late.

On their way out, he spotted Fai and two of his brothers boarding another bus. Upon seeing him, Fai gave a traumatized cry and fled onto the vehicle. The tan brother seethed at Kurogane, but the silver-haired one with the glasses waved at him pleasantly. Kurogane smiled forcibly back and got on his own bus. Once seated, Tomoyo flopped down next to him.

"So, you and Fai are having relationship troubles?" she chirped.

He groaned and slammed his head against the window, feeling already that the entire school would soon be talking about him and a certain blonde.


	5. The Boy Learns

Holy crap, I haven't updated this in almost a year. I recently rediscovered the documents on my computer and decided to give it another go... Love to you all.

* * *

**The Boy Learns Some Things**

As it turned out, no one really gave two craps about Kurogane's well-being. The talk around school was primarily centered around why Fai was in such a state of disarray. Following his outburst at the greenhouses, he was absent for an entire week, along with the rest of his family. As far as Kurogane was concerned, they had all moved to Norway.

"What the hell happened on that field trip?" Souma asked, having missed all of the action.

"Nothing," said Kurogane vehemently, ignoring Tomoyo and Mokona's giggles. It was Friday, and he was eager to spend all weekend watching the sixth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which he'd just bought off of Amazon.

Souma shrugged. "So you're coming to the beach, right?"

"Oh, we are!" Tomoyo chirped, gesturing to herself and Mokona, who looked as though she was about to have a seizure from making social plans.

"Great!" said Souma.

"Beach?" said Kurogane.

Souma laughed. "Well, more of a lake, really. My family lives down there, and I'm getting a bunch of people together tonight so we can have a bonfire and stuff. Remember, I asked you on like Tuesday?"

Kurogane thought, but all that came to mind was a rather disturbing video their English teacher had shown them on what Shakespeare would have been like in modern times. ("Sup my homesizzles, the name is Will Shakez and this here's a wiggity whack story about two teenagers that totally dug each other's groove.")

"Oh..." said Kurogane, pretending to know what Souma was talking about. "Um, yeah, the beach."

"You're going?"

Visions of Sarah Michelle Gellar shattered in his head as Tomoyo stared at him expectantly.

"Yeah," he sighed. "Whatever."

o-o

The night, however, wasn't all that bad. Kurogane found himself in good spirits as he talked with some of Souma's friends that lived down by the lake. The only downside was the thought that kept creeping back into his mind: where the hell had Fai and his nutty family been all week?

"Norway..." he muttered, much to Souma's confusion.

"Sorry?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing..."

"So, Kurogane," said one of Souma's friends/family members, whose name escaped him despite having introduced herself no less than twenty minutes ago. "Do you like Klocknel High?"

Kento...? thought Kurogane. No... Kenpapa?

"Uh," he said aloud. "It's kind of a hell hole."

Kenpocho laughed. "I told Souma she was crazy for going there instead of the school down here in Los Bocas."

Souma rolled her eyes. "Klocknel grows on you," she said.

"Yeah," snorted Kurogane. "Like a disgusting, unstoppable fungus."

Souma punched him in the arm.

"And the worst part," said Kenny Loggins, "is that family."

Kurogane looked up. "What family?" he said sharply.

"Never mind," interrupted Souma.

"No, tell me," said Kurogane, his thoughts already reeling.

Kenfofo opened her mouth to continue, but at that moment Tomoyo came bounding over, Mokona in tow. "We're going hiking on the trail!" she exclaimed.

"Wait," said Kurogane, as Souma got up to join them. He glanced back to Kenjina, but she had already turned towards another couple of people in deep conversation. "Forget it..." he muttered, reluctantly pulling himself up from the ground.

He and Souma ended up in the back of the group, after dodging Mokona's attempts to start a lively round of "99 Bottles of Bubble Juice". (The real question being, did Mokona regularly consume bubble juice? Kurogane guessed yes.)

"So... your friend..." he began, unable to let go of the pestering thought.

"Kendappa?" said Souma.

"Kendappa! Yeah, that was it. Well, I was just wondering..."

"If she was talking about Fai's family?" Souma asked, with a twisted smile.

Kurogane scratched awkwardly at his eyebrow. "Um, no, not necessarily..."

She sighed. It was clear she didn't want to discuss the topic, but she pressed on anyway, slightly amused by his curiosity.

"Of course she was talking about them. Who else? They're the most bizarre people around these parts."

"That's an understatement," said Kurogane. "But why did she say it like that? Almost as though... she hated them."

Souma bit her lip. "The truth is... My people, that is, us in Los Bocas, don't really get along with them. I mean, I'm less superstitious than the others, but there's a legend about two clans pitted against one another. A clan of people descended from wolves, and another that ruled the night. They fought over territory for centuries until finally coming to a truce about a hundred years ago."

Kurogane was now thoroughly confused.

"I'm thoroughly confused," he said. "Ancient clans? Myths and legends? Where the flying hell is this coming from?"

"It's been passed down through the generations," said Souma. "And the stories say that here in Los Bocas... we're the descendants of the ones related to wolves."

"So the whack job family..."

"Are the opposing clan, who supposedly only came out at night, drank blood, and were all hauntingly beautiful."

He frowned. There was something oddly familiar about this description, but it escaped him. Something about coming out at night... Or maybe it was the drinking blood part.

She shrugged. "It's just stories, you know. A lot of people take it very seriously, though. If Fai's family ever came near our land... Well, they don't look much like fighters. But we would probably rip them to shreds."

o-o

Later that night, as Kurogane wrapped himself in a Snuggie in front of the TV and tried his best to ignore his grandmother's "Bingo Game" going on upstairs, it hit him. He stared madly at Buffy on the screen, jumping and flailing all over the place to defeat her evil foes.

"Fucking vampires," he said, and raced immediately to the computer to Google that shit.


End file.
